20 Ways to annoy the characters of Twilight
by OnlyAKidButHardToScare
Summary: Basically what it says in the title. Got really bored. Aro now up!
1. Chapter 1

**This is just a bit of fun. **

Ways to annoy Emmett Cullen

1) Ban him from making inoproprate comments about people sex life's,

2) Tell him Rosalie stole his Jeep,

3) Challenge him to an arm wrestling contest,

4) Ask him who wears the pants in his relationship,

5) Tell him Rosalie secretly wants Edward,

6) Tell every one he's on steroids,

7) Tell him bears are too manly for him. He should go for bunnies instead,

8) Make him watch 'Care Bears',

9) Paint his Jeep pink,

10) Ask how he feels about Rosalie knowing more about cars than him,

11) Remind him the only reason Rosalie changed him is because she was reminded of a baby,

12) Ask him why he and Rosalie are only sometimes married. When he replies with the age thing, say 'That's not what Rosalie said',

13) Ask him if he is replacing his muscles for something,

14) Buy him a teddy bear for Christmas,

15) Ask him how he feels always being the youngest,

16) Tell him Rosalie is cheating on him with Jacob,

17) Tell him you know that him and Jane are having an affair,

18) Ask him how his game of strip poker with Aro went,

19) Ask him how to feels to have the worst car after Bella got her new one,

And

20) Tell him Edward/Jacob/Jasper/Aro/Alec anyone is in love with him.

**So got really bored and decided to do this. Next should I do Jasper, Alice or Rosalie. Thanks. **


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own twilight, although I would love a Jasper of my Own. Got really bored so decided to make Jasper's chapter anyway. **

1) Give some one a paper cut on purpose in front of him and ask him to lick the bleeding wound,

2) Ask him why Alice's last name is Cullen and not Hale,

3) When he replies with 'Its for keeping up appearances', say 'Thats not what Alice told me',

4) Ask him if he has a ghost cousin Casper,

5) Call him Jasper Cullen,

6) Ask him how clean his recorded is,

7) Ask him how it feels going from a leutenent to a High schooler,

8) Ask if when your a new born he's gonna kill you,

9) Tell him your analysis has concluded that he is emotionally unstable,

10) Make him go on Dr. Phil,

11) Tell him Alice is sleeping with Edward,

12) Every few minutes ask him how your feeling,

13) Tell him real men don't get some emotional,

14) Salute every time you see him,

15) Say 'Yes sir' to every thing he says,

16) Repeat every thing he says in a southern accent,

17) Make your self feel lots of emotions and really piss him off,

18) Talk about blood constantly,

19) Call him 'Major',

And

20) Ask him why he has a bed if he doesn't sleep.

**So who should I do next?**


	3. Chapter 3

**I did as Misty2089 suggested and here's Jacob. Also the person that put this in the community Reportable Offense- I don't understand how it's offensive.**

**1)** Buy him a flea collar,

2) When he is asleep glue glitter all over him,

3) When he's human ask him we're his tail is,

4) Ask him what it's like to date the lock ness monster,

5) Serve food in a dog bowl,

6) Get him a pet dog and say I've found your long lost twin,

7) Pretend to be blind and ask him if he will be your guide dog,

8) Call him a peadofile because he's in love with a child,

9) Consantly remind him he is not a real werewolf- He is imaginary,

10) Ask how it feels to lose to a 109 year old,

11) Ask him if he drinks out of the toilet,

12) Tell him you know about his secret relationship with Caius,

13) For his birthday buy him a dog bed,

14) Tell him Bella and Aro are eloping and he's not invited,

15) Constantly remind him that Bella would rather be dead than with him,

16) Paint his motor bike bright pink,

17) Tell him Nessie/Edward/Rosalie/Jasper/Alice/anyone did it,

18) Buy him dog food,

19) Act offended when he does not eat it,

And

20) Lock him in a room with Edward

**Wow that was harder than I thought it would be. Oh well, who should I do next? **


	4. Chapter 4

**Again don't own Twilight but love a Jasper of my own. Got really bored because no dance to (Sob) so wrote Rosalie **

1) Tell her Bella is prettier than her

2) Ask her why Jasper is better looking than her if they are supposed to be twins.

3) Tell her she needs to lose weight

4) Say you know about her affair with Jacob

5) Tell her she smells like wet dog

6) Tell her you know about her and Jacob's secret love child

7) Cut off all her hair

8) Play I'm a barbie girl every time she walks past

9) Scream hypocrite every time she walks passed

10) Ask her why her surname is not Cullen if she's supposed to be married to Emmett

11) When she says its for keeping up appearances say 'Thats not what Emmett said'

12) Tell her Jacob has a tatto of her face on his butt

13) Destroy all her clothes

14) Tell her Nessie did it

15) Talk very loudly about her very acctive sex life with Emmett

16) Tell her she shouldn't think so hard, you can see smoke coming out of her ears

17) Tell her the whole 'Model' look is so overrated

18) Remind her constantly that Edward chose a human over her.

19) Paint 'I LOVE JACOB' on the side of her car

20) Tell her Emmett's having an affair with Jane

**I don't really like Rosalie as you might of guessed **


	5. Chapter 5

Hey so super bored so did another chapter

Carlisle

1) Mimic his accent,

2) Ask him to change your at in to a vampire,

3) Only referre to him as Dr. Mcgleamy, Mc Steamy or Mc Dreamy,

4) Make him dress up as a vampire for hallowe'en,

5) Run around ER screaming 'The venom, it burns',

6) Poke him till he yells at you,

7) Tell him Esme has been having an affair with Marcus,

8) Tell him she told you she thought Marcus was sexier than him,

9) Ask him what he actually does at the hospital on a night shift with all the pretty nurses,

10) Tell Alice that he told you she can redecorate his study,

11) Call him a peodophile,

12) Ask if he and Esme play doctors and nurses,

13) Ask why he didn't tell Edward to use protection,

14) Call him 'Gramps' every time he walks past,

15) Scratch his Mercedes and blame it on Emmett,

16) Ask him to teach Sex Ed at Forks High School,

17) Get Alice to give him a makeover,

18) Tell him the CIA knows every thing,

19) Call him Daddy in public,

And

20) Ask him why he sparkles


	6. Chapter 6

**So just finished watching 'Remember Me' for the first time (Broke my never cried at a film title) It was so sad, i totally recommend it. This is 20 Ways to Annoy Nessie Cullen**

1) Remind her constantly Edward wanted to kill her at one time,

2) Get Emmett to give her 'The Talk',

3) Ask her if she thinks Jacob is hot while Edward and Jacob are stood next to her,

4) Remind her every five minutes that Jacob kissed and loved her mum before Jacob loved her,

5) For her birthday get her a stuffed lock ness monster,

6) Ask her if she will take Jacobs paw in marriage,

7) Remind her constantly that five members of her family didn't want her to live at one points,

8) Ask her what she's gonna name the pups

9) Take a picture of her and scream 'Proof of the Lock Ness Monster'

10) Tell her Renesmee sounds like the name of a stripper

**This is really short I know and I was supposed to do twenty but it was really hard to think of them. I think that Renesmee sounds like a stripper name. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Okay so I'm meant to be doing my English project which was due nearly a month ago but it's boring so I'm doing this instead. So here's Alice.**

1) Burn all her clothes,

2) Ask her how it feels having to buy children's shoes,

3) Change your mind every five minutes,

4) Ask her what you will be doing in five minutes every ten minutes,

5) Take her credit cards and hold them above your head and tell her to jump for them, (Only works if your tall)

6) Do the same with her car keys,

7) Go to her closet and "accidentally" spill stuff everywhere. Blame Emmet even though she saw you do it,

8) Buy her a crystal ball,

9) Tell her Jasper ran away to elope with Tanya because he prefers blondes,

10) Remind her that she abandoned her family at their time of need,

11) Tell her Edward and Bella are getting married and she's not invited,

12) Decide to kiss Jasper several times a day,

13) Crash her Porsche, blame Nessie/Jasper/Jacob,

14) Tell her Jasper is still in love with Maria and they are running away together,

15) Spend all your time around the wolves so she can't see you,

16) Tell her she's anorexic or bulimic,

17) Paint graffiti on her Porsche,

18) Tell her Edward told you that Jasper thinks that dress makes her look fat,

19) Tell her if she was a few centimetres shorter, she would legally be classed as midget,

And

20) Swap her and Bella's clothes.

**This was a lot easier than Nessie. Please review, reviews make me happy. And I don't mean to offend anyone with the ED bit, I suffered from an ED so I know how it feels so please don't give any that's so insensitive crap. **


	8. Chapter 8

**So my Mum suggested this one to do because she thinks the Denali sisters are whores so yeah. Hears 10 Ways to annoy the Denali sisters. **

1) Ask them if they were the original dumb blondes,

2) Ask them if they were the original 'Ladies of the night',

3) Remind Tanya that she will be forever alone,

4) Ask them if they have always been this boring,

5) Ask about there sex lives,

6) Or Tanya's lack of,

7) Tell Tanya a baby (Nessie) gets more action than she does,

8) Ask why they were fur in the film if they don't feel cold,

9) Ask Kate of she enjoys hurting people,

10) Ask them why Tanya, Kate and Irina (Before she was ripped apart) all sound like they are from different places in the world if they are meant to be 'Sisters'

**Wow that was even harder then Nessie, I have my mum to thank for most of these so thank you Mummy, even though you won't see this. Review please and tell me who I should do next. **


	9. Chapter 9

**So here is 20 Ways to annoy Edward. **

1) Call him Eddy all the time,

2) Drive really slow,

3) Volunter him to donate blood,

4) Picture yourself naked whenever he is around,

5) Tell him Bella and Jacob are eloping and he's not invited,

6) Steal his CD's,

7) Invite the Volturi to the wedding,

8) Tell Alice to re paint his room,

9) Sing like a virgin when he walks into the room,

10) Create him an Internet dating profile,

11) Under hobbies put watching girls who are 91 years younger than me sleep, blame Jacob, Emmett and Jasper,

12) Destroy his piano,

13) Tell his Nessie did it,

14) Ask him how his bath with Moaning Murtel went (HP reference),

15) Tell him Voldemort is a Vampire and is actually his Dad,

16) Rearange his CD's,

17) Whatever he says scream 'Liar',

18) Every few minutes ask him what you are thinking,

19) Tell him Bella's pregnant with Mike's baby, after he's killed him scream 'Joke'

And

20) Call an ambulance when you can't find a pulse.

**Thank you, please review. **


	10. Chapter 10

**So hi. It's quarter to eleven and one takes me half an hour to an hour to write. So yeah, I feel like I'm gonna puke so its updatey timey. **

**20 Ways to annoy Bella Cullen **

1) But her a dog,

2) Train the dog to follow her every where and name it Mike,

3) Ask her how her date with Mike went,

4) Tell her Edward and Jacob ran of together,

5) Give her a leaflet that says 'Vampire slayers wanted',

6) Tell her if there was a world champion ship for clumsiness she would win (When she was human),

7) Tell her Emmett has her name tattooed on his back,

8) Lock her in a closet/salon/bathroom with Alice,

9) Let her out after four hours,

10) Hide behind things and jump out at her, saying "I vant to suck your blood!" in the worst Transylvanian accent you can manage. Bonus points if you wear fake vampire teeth/a black cape/etc.

11) Explain to her that, not only is Edward technically dead (Necrophilia), he is also technically about a hundred years older than her, give or take. (Pedophilia.) Ask if her father knows about this. When she says he doesn't, (or even if she lies and says he does) go and tell Charlie all about it.

12) Paint 'I'm team Jacob' on her car,

13) Tell Mike, when Bella's within earshot, that Bella has a secret crush on him,

14) Tell Edward this,

15) Tell Alice that Bella told you that you that she has permission to redecorate,

16) Tell her Edward ran of with any one who's blonde,

17) Ask her how it feels to have kissed her daughters boyfriend (When Nessie's older),

18) Tell her Edwards ran off with Victoria,

19) When she says 'Shes dead' reply with 'Thats what you think',

And

20) Constantly call her 'Mary-Sue'.

**Wow so this only took me 24 minutes to write, I getting faster. Hope you liked, who next?**


	11. Chapter 11

**So yeah it's Friday, so sat home nothing to do, so here's Aro**

20 Ways to annoy Aro

1) Eat garlic bread,

2) Ask Aro if he wants some to dip into his blood, then go 'Ops sorry, I meant pasta sauce',

3) Ask if there's some secret meaning about why he wants Edward and Alice,

4) Ask if he has ever had fantasied about Jane,

5) If he touches you scream 'Rape, He wants to rape me' at the top of your lungs,

6) Dress up as Voldemort and walk in saying 'Aro, I am your Father',

7) Call him bipolar,

8) Tell him Bella has a crush on him,

9) Tell him that Alice told you to tell him to watch out for evil mermaids who want to steal his shinny hair.

10) When he touches you cover yourself in blood and ask if he wants you,

11) Tell him that Walmart is having a sale on vampire fangs and he should really go and stock up,

12) Tell him that he has to have 'Seven minutes in heaven' with Leah,

13) If he refuses ask him if he would prefer it to be one of the males,

14) Say 'Ya Mum' after every thing he says,

15) Give him a wooden stake for Christmas,

16) Ask him if he's heard of a band called 'Mozart',

17) Play footsie with him under the table,

18) When he tells you to stop, deny it,

19) Turn every thing he says into something sexual,

And

20) Tell him Alice is hidden in the castle and wants to join him.

**Hope you liked, this one was a lot easer to write. **


	12. Chapter 12

**So MollyDolly1996 requested this so here's 20 Ways to annoy Caius. **

1) Tell him the wolves are going to get him,

2) Ask him what conditioner he uses to get such lustrous locks,

3) Buy him a puppy,

4) Act surprised when it turns into a human,

5) Comment on how pale he looks, suggest he moves some where sunny, like the carribean,

6) Try to have an emotional conversation,

7) Being up his secret relationship with Felix,

8) Ask if he turned into a vampire before or after his part in Harry Potter,

9) When Caius is in a bad mood, tell him, "No more O negative for you!",

10) Hide blood bags under stones in Voltera,

11) Put red dye in his conditioner,

12) Send him a mug that says 'World's greatest uncle' on from Jane,

13) Send them the Vampire Diaries books,

14) Tell him that you know his secret,

15) Have Jacob ask Caius to have a wrestling match. Make sure he asks while he is in his human form. When the wrestling match is about to start, have Jacob phase into a wolf,

16) Call him, "Bipolar, high-tempered Italian.",

17) Whenever he threatens to kill you, take out your mobile phone and try to call 999,

18) Sing the song 'Coldhearted' around him,

19) Ask him if the reason he wants the Denali sisters dead is because they have blonder hair than him,

And

20) Ask him what he dreamed about last night (Wink, wink)

**Hope you liked this, please review, reviews make me happy + More updates. Love you xx. **


	13. Chapter 13

**So heres 10 Ways to annoy Leah Clearwater.**

1) Push her into Sam and say ' Aww... aren't you a cute couple',

2) Tell her how amazing you think Emily is every 5 minutes,

3) Ask her what it's like to be a man in a womens body,

4) Look at her and say 'Eww, no wonder Sam left you',

5) Say "What does it feel like to know you can never have children?" every 10 minutes,

6) Send her love letters and sign them, 'Love, Sam',

7) Whenever she talks block your nose and say 'Doggie breath',

8) When she gets angry and bites you scream 'RABIES!',

9) When shes in wolf form take her clothes and say that Jacob stole them,

And

10) Go up to her and start gushing about her 'wedding' to Laurent. When she asks you what the heck you are talking about, laugh and say something along the lines of "silly love stuck girl". Walk away without another word. The next day send her love letters from 'Laurent'.

**Okay so I didn't know many to do so yeah. Please review, who should I do next?**


	14. Chapter 14

**As MollyDolly1996 requested here's 20 Ways to annoy Seth.**

1) Call him pup,

2) When he gets bored give him a squeaky toy to play with,

3) Tell him that Jacob gets jealous when Seth has to keep Bella warm,

4) Keep telling him that his sister, Leah, is in love with Jacob,

5) Touch his forehead and FREAK OUT when you 'notice' that he doesn't have a normal temperature,

6) Tell Leah that he steals her underwear and wears it around the house, Make sure he is in the room when you tell her,

7) Tell him the only reason the Cullen's fed him and gave him clothes is because they wanted dirt on the pack,

8) Throw a stick for him to catch,

9) Act offended when he doesn't run to catch it,

10) Give him a can of red bull to drink,

11) Ask him if his favourite singer is Pitbull,

12) Ask him why he has no friends his own age,

13) Ask him what it's like seeing his sister naked,

14) Tell him that Jacob has filled a restraining order against him,

15) When he starts to cry... Laugh,

16) Tell him Jacob's hair is starting to fall out,

17) When he comes back with no hair scream 'Kidding!',

18) Tell him that you know the real reason why he admires Jacob,

19) Tell him he's almost as tall as Alice, Congratulations,

And

20) Follow him around all day and whenever he tries to speak scream 'Good Seth, Shut Up you are so irritating'.

**Hope you injoyed, Who next? **


	15. Chapter 15

**So as Codelyokomonadvanced suggested here's 15 Ways to annoy Mike Newton!**

1) Tell him Bella's left Edward and is looking for a new husband,

2) When he gets ready to go and see her scream 'April fools' even if its December,

3) Tell him he got Jessica pregnant and force him to marry her,

4) Tell everyone he's gay and in love with Jasper,

5) Pair him up with Jane,

6) Call him 'Golden retriever boy',

7) Steal things from his families store,

8) Give him a tattoo of Jasper, with 'I love Jasper' written under it (Goes with 4)),

9) Give him a detailed description of Edward and Bella's sex life,

10) Tell him Bella hides under his bed/ In his bathroom,

11) Tell him Bella thinks his blood smells absolutely delicious,

12) Give him a vampire costume for hallowe'en,

13) And Red/Amber contacts,

14) Give him a dress for Christmas,

And

15) Act offended when he says he won't we're it, tell him it would make Bella fall In love with him.

**So it's really short because wanted to get this up and I have German home work that was due a week ago so YOLO. **


	16. Chapter 16

**Finished my german homework so my teacher so be happy, So here's Jessica.**

1) Tell her that Mike only chose her because Bella wouldn't date him,

2) Tell her she could never get a guy like Edward Cullen,

3) Ask her why she likes Golden retriever boy (See chapter 15),

4) Tell her that Mike Newton is way out of her league,_  
_

5) Tell her that when Bella started to date Edward she started to despise her 'friendship',

6) Remind her constantly about the fact that every boy in school used to drool over Bella, and not her,

7) Follow her on one of her dates with Golden Retriever Boy. Burp the abc's non-stop. After your done sing opera. Feel free to be as loud as you want,

8) Tell her that Mike left her for Jasper AND Edward,

9) Tell her that Edward wants to go on a date with her. Let her get ready, then cancel and tell her that the invite was for Bella not her,

10) Send her to a hippy convention and pay them to give her a hippy makeover just before she goes out with Mike. Follow her to make sure she doesn't change. Video tape the date and send a copy to everyone she knows. Bring popcorn,

11) Tell her she was right, Bella was pregnant, with Mike's demon baby,

12) Tell her Bella and Edward are breaking up and he was asking if she was single,

13) When she asks what you said, say 'I told him that you were in a serious relationship, with a tree'.

14) Tell her she's a annoying insect flying around you personal life,

And

20) Tell her you want to squash her.

**Hope you liked. **


	17. Chapter 17

**Here's 20 ways to annoy Esme Cullen.**

1) Let slip what Carlisle really does on the night shift at the hospital,

2) Send her a pack of baby clothing in the mail,

3) Tell her what the nurses think of Carlisle,

4) Buy her a puppy which isn't house trained,

5) Video tape her reaction,

6) Tell her she's a terrible mother,

7) Start a food fight in the kitchen,

8) Tell her Emmett started it,

9) Tell her the names of your future children, what genders you want them to be, when you want to have, etc,

10) Ask her if her hair tastes like caramel,

11) Put lipstick and spray perfume on Carlisle's shirts,

12) Video her reaction and spend it to every one,

13) Kill her a dear and put it on the dinning room table,

14) Tell her you bought back dinner,

14) Ask her what her favourite baby names are,

15) Write her life story. Make sure it's filled with things like how she two-timed Carlisle with Jane and how she is single handedly responsible for Global warming and the decay of the ozone layer. Send it to everyone you can think of. Send Carlisle two copies. Oh, and don't forget to tell everyone she wrote it,

16) Shave her head,

17) Tell her Carlisle left her for Edward, and Emmett, And Jasper, and Jacob (Any one really),

18) For Christmas give her this list,

19) Tell her Emmett and Carlisle wrote it,

And

20) Politely ask if Carlisle asks her to dress up as "Nurse. Naughty" in the bedroom and if he demands she calls him "Doctor. Dreamy".

**Hope you enjoyed this. **


	18. Chapter 18

**Hi, it's been quite a while so yeah. Here's 20 ways to annoy Charlie Swan. Don't own Twilight, wish I did though.**

1) Tell him all about Bella's sex life,

2) Ask him if he got horny when Jacob started taking his clothes off,

3) Ask him if Sue calls him Chief Swan at night,

4) Tell him he's an awful friend to move in on his dead best friends wife not even a year after he died,

5) Tell him that Edward knows every thought that goes though his head,

6) Convince him that Alice escaped from a mental institute,

7) Also convince him Alice has a eating disorder,

8) Buy him a dog named Jacob and a cat named Edward,

9) Tell him Billy has a crush on him,

10) Tell him all about Bella and Edwards wedding night,

11) And all the bruises,

12) Video tape his reaction and put it on YouTube,

13) Make him dress up as a vampire for Halloween,

14) Tell him Bella's pregnant,

15) But you know of several possible fathers,

16) Drive at 100mph past him,

17) Start a high speed chase,

18) Tell him how many times Edward stayed the night with Bella,

19) Plant weed on Edward the next time he visits the Swan residence – then when he is being locked up, tell Charlie a strip search may be necessary,

And

20) Buy a fake plastic gun and when ever he is around point it at him.

**Hope you enjoyed this, please check out my other stories.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Hey so it's been a long time since I updated this and when this chapter is up i will hit that complete button. I hope you like(d) this and thank you to every one who reviewed and favourited and followed it means a lot, so thanks. **

This is 10 ways to annoy Marcus Volturi

1. Tell Marcus that Jane killed Didyme.

2. Ask him why he always looks bored.

3. Ask him if he has an STD.

4. Ask him if when he shops they get senior discounts.

5. Breathe garlic in his face.

6. Hide garlic in people's blood.

7. Whisper in his ear 'I know you're secret'.

8. Stare at him while he tries to work out what you mean.

9. Tell every one he wants Alec.

And,

10. Call him Bipolar and High- Tempered- Don't forget to add Italians on the end.

**That's it, last ever bit. But I hope you enjoyed. Bye. Check out my other stories. There's another 'Twilight' and 'Pitch Perfect', there's a few of them, 'Les miserables' and maybe some more. Dunno. Love you. **


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